I was in and out of church in all my life before God spoke to me. During that time I nearly lost my faith . From my teens to early twenties I began to idolize money and worldly possessions. I sank into a deep depression and felt so helpless, it was at this time my wife (in our first year of marriage) started reading her bible each night and would go pray after all our arguments. Since we were a couple outside of high school to us getting married, she would cry out to God for him to change my mind, heart and soul. I had a lot of anger and hate in my heart, and never thought about anyone but myself.
Watching my wife call out to God put an unseen pressure on my spirit. I began to evaluate my life and felt convicted. I knew I wasn't living the Christ-like life the bible talks about. All the bible school teaching from my childhood pierced my heart and created a split in my soul. Something in me didn't want to change, but there was a familiar force pulling me to Jesus. The depression got worse as I cried out to God. I threw in the towel and told God I'm done with doing it my way. I even considered committing suicide if crying out to the God of the bible didn't work. But as I was about to find out, the God of the bible is the only God who is, was, and is to come, and He answered.
Early morning on June 25th 2020, on the third day calling out to God, with my face soaked in tears, I said, "Please God, speak to me. I need to hear from you" and my body suddenly became full of fear and joy. I couldn't stop crying tears of joy and I felt my heart shifting around in my chest. With the most soothing and calming tone I heard Him speak in my ear, "shhhhhh, don't worry about the money, I'll take care of that. Get to know me. Baby steps, walk first, don't run. Stop making promises and learn first." and as he spoke my depression died and a new spirit was born.
I couldn't sleep that night and my mind was overwhelmed with revelation. The truth of the bible and Jesus Christ jumped out of the pages and became a real experience. I knew without a doubt Jesus is the only way to salvation, the bible is the written word of God, and having a relationship with Jesus Christ was my water and reading the bible was my new food. I lost my desire to cuss, I lost my desire to hate, and many more changes that have continued on after that day. God appeared and gave me clear direction for my life. As I got to know Him through prayer and reading the bible, He revealed to me many more truths. Since then my walk with God has been full of many more conversations with Him, and He has continued to reshape my heart.
During prayer on the morning of 10/15/2021 at 4:00am, I felt the Holy Spirit draw my attention to the sky. He then spoke in my ear and said, "I've called you to be an apostle". I have to admit, I didn't receive it at first because of my lack of faith. The next day I repented of my lack of faith and asked God to forgive me and to confirm the word. The next week up to this day has been filled with signs and wonders and unusual acts of God.
Thank you for reading, but ultimately I just thank God for saving my soul and being so faithful even when I wasn't. Glory to the Almighty! Lord Jesus is my rock, salvation, and strength of my life!
Jeremiah 29:13 "And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart"